I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize