I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
