Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
