He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
