Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
