Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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