Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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