census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
