My nipple is on Facebook.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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