You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
