my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
