he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm sobbing to NWA
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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