you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
