thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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