his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
