Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
what day is it and did you see me today?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
