It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize