What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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