I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
