those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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