She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
