um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
