yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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