I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
