make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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