he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
