I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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