At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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