I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
