He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
