omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
