shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
As shirtless as possible
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
