you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
