Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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