I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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