This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
