My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
