apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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