I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
