ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Randomize
