"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
