what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
