You really coming over, don't trick.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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