I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Randomize