You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
