I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize