ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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