hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
