She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
