Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
