dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
