watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
