all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize