Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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