I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
