ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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