Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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