I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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