i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Randomize
