i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
