I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
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