Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
