hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize