First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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