I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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