my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize