well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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