I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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