She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
