I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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