They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
