WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
