can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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