the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
