I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
