I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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