I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
