so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
