I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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