i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
