you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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