I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize