You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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