Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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