Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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