i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
My balls are so social today.
time to smoke my breakfast
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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