somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
