just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
