So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
