You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
