I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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