Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
