i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
