I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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