I'm drive I can fine osifer
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
you inspire me to be a worse person
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
