ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
