I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize