mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
