I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
