Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize