The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
