I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
