If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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