im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
