so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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