Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize